She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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