Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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