if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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