Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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