I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
