Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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