Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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