I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
