the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was not drunk enough for that final.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
