the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
