Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
