Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
