I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
