Cold hands, warm shart.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
