remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
from now on my penis is your penis
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
