His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
