I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
