I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
