I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
