Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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