i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
