Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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