They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
