we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
