My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
