Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
