you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
