I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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