Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize