dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
