I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize