Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
