i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
