I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize