Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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