I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
