how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
