i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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