What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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