she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
