My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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