Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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