I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
