alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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