sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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