***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize