Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
