I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
