is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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