Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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