If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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