11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
