I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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