And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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