He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
