I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you win again, gameday.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
