It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
