i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
