I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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