Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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