My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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