god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
