Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
