3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
