Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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