If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
