Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
