Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
