yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
