when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
