I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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