my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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