Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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